The H is Silent

Facebook is like the FBI

I had been looking for a brother of mine for years. He was my father’s son from his previous marriage before my mother. Every so often when I would go off into my rants I would look up his name in every social network site available. One of my last attempts I found someone who basically dragged on my search and tried to act like he was the person I was looking for. So I gave up for a while.

I however, had not given up the idea that I may find an Arroyo like me. I couldn’t be that odd or different, and I was determined to find someone to make help me attain that normalcy. On September 8, 2008 I found the man I believed to be my brother Richard. I had no doubt but I didn’t want to get too excited. There could still be a chance that he wouldn’t want anything to do with Jose’ and me. The photograph on his Facebook account was very small but in the small details I could see, he looked just like my father at his age. So I sent him the following message on September 8,2008:

“My name is Johanna Arroyo. I have been told that I have a brother named Richard Arroyo and his mother’s name is [his mother’s name]. I could not help but to notice that you had a few people on your list with the [his mother’s last name] last name. I have been looking for him for years now and at this point believe he does not know I exist. Please disregard if nothing applies to you and I apologize in advance.”

He responded September 17, 2008:

“Do you have a copy of his birth certificate?”

My response:

“I have a copy of my birth certificate with his name on it. And a few pictures of my brother Richard when he was a kid (well if it is you). I also have a social security card with your mom’s information. I guess it’s a few things my father had before he married my mother.

I also have one of his old driver licenses. I know you are probably skeptical and have some questions do not hesitate to ask.”

He responded:

“Skeptical is one of the things.

It’s like opening Pandora’s Box.

What is Jose middle name?

What city was he born?

What are his parent’s names?

Can you send me any picture of your brother when he was young?

Can you send a picture of your dad when he had Richard?

Do you know which city Richard was born?

Is there any information that you can give me that only your brother would know?

Send pics to [his email]”

My response:

I emailed you at att.net. As I said in the email, I do not know much about my brother Richard but I gave you as much detail that I have about my father. I forgot to mention in the email his [our father] birthdate is April 15th. Thanks for writing back!

Finally on 9/28/2008, he responded:

“Hi Johanna,

I know it’s taken a while, but I’m at loss of words right now.

The man in the picture is also my father.”

WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I got out of bed so fast I had no idea how to react. I was so scared that my mind was playing tricks on me and that this guy was not my brother and I was making him look like my father because I desperately wanted it to be him. . When I got his message I was so happy, not only because I found him but because I can breathe a sigh of relief.

My brother was still alive, and even though we were taking baby steps because he was really confused and had no idea we existed. I have more than enough time to get to know him. I do not have to search and worry about ever finding him.

Over the years I tried to imagine what he would be like and who he would look like and I never even came close. After the emails and a few phone conversations he suggested we get on Skype to do a video chat. I had never used Skype before but for the next year, this would be the way I would communicate with my brother Richard.

Our first Skype conversation was a whole debacle for me. He lives in California, so there is a three hour time difference. I was so nervous and anxious. I was in training that afternoon and I told my co-workers all about it. They were just as excited for me. That evening when I arrived from work, I started to get ready for my first video chat with my brother. You would have thought I was going on a fucking date. I straightened my hair, I did my eye brows. It is kind of funny thinking about it over four years later. What did I expect; that my brother would like me less if I had a bad hair day?

We spoke on Skype for over two hours that night. I was in awe and he kept saying, “You have the biggest smile on your face!” I was beyond happy. This guy was very intelligent, insightful and hilarious. I thought immediately, he was a lot like me but very much like Jose’. He is an animator in California and his personality is equally as vivid.

However; unlike my relationship with my other siblings, this one grew progressively. I don’t remember ever building a relationship with them. This one, I had to work on. We were getting to know one another. He also was building a relationship with our brother Jose’.

In April of 2009, one of my really good friends, well it is hard to say one, two of my really good friends, were marrying one another. They were having a destination wedding in Vegas. I decided I would take two weeks off of work and fly to California to meet my brother and drive to Vegas while I was there. I called Richard and asked if that was okay. He said yes. I have no qualms with doing things alone. I actually enjoy alone time. As you already know, I excel in awkward new situations.

When I arrived to California, my sister-in-law picked me up. At the time I was working for one of the Pregnancy Education Programs in Tampa. Olga was pregnant and decided to only let me know because of my experience, she figured I would figure it out. I was very excited to be the first to know and as I write this book now, my nephew is going to be a big brother next year.

I was so jet lagged, the flight was a little over three hours and the time difference was throwing me off. I fell asleep on the couch.

When Richard arrived from work that evening, I heard him at the door, but I pulled one of those numbers where you act asleep. I was so nervous. I was 24 years old and here I was a little sister again. I didn’t know what to do and I was so pooped from the flight that I hardly came up with a game plan. Do you jump up and hug him? Do you cry? Do you high-five him? Shit, I should have taken notes on the plane and come up with a plan. I got up and hugged him and was like sooooooo. We did that for about a minute. I am sure it was beyond odd for him. I have three other siblings, he was an only child his whole life. I had every intention of being the hyper little five year old with crazy hair again but I had to break out of my shell slowly.

Since our initial discovery of one another in 2008, Richard, Jose’ and I have all fallen into our own sibling relationship. Jose’ and I joke all the time because Richard is an animator and he is very, very, animated. If you need a pep talk, call Richard. My brother is like a cheerleader. He is incredible.

We have seen each other on three different trips and we talk every week. Every time he calls me, he calls me by a different nickname. This is something I have grown to look forward to. Whenever he calls me by a nick name he has already used I say, “Nooo way, repeat offender!”

I have been fruit loops, skittles, blueberry pancakes, Whatchamacallit and fruity pebbles. When I first met Richard I went on and on about how amazing M&M world was. I think that impression of me is the motivation behind most of my nicknames.

I have made my own discoveries and realized that I love colorful things rainbows, skittles, M&M’s, Christmas tree lights.

When I was a little girl, I spent hours laying under the Christmas tree watching the lights blink. I imagined that I was under the night’s sky full of beautiful stars that were colorful and different, like me.

When I was growing up I always thought I was different. I had a hard time relating to Lulu and Jose’ much less my mother. They would kid and called me a bookworm or a nerd, I felt different but what I have come to terms with is the fact that I isolated myself and I hardly had the chance to click with them. I was eclectic at best but I love them now more than ever.

Lulu and Jose’ were already great but Richard contributed something to my life that I was missing. I look up to him in many ways. He respects me but when he feels I could do better, he encourages it. He gives me that much needed umph to continue to push for my dreams. He has follow up and he follows through, and that is one of the things I most admire about him.

On Valentine’s Day this year, I went to work, came home and took a small cat nap. I woke up at 4:30 AM to work out after having already worked out the night before at 10PM so I needed to catch up on sleep. My best bud Andrew text me to see if I was going to the gym. . .truth be told I was not in the mood I was feeling a little caved into myself but I decided I was rested enough after a hour and a half nap and I went to the gym. Going to the gym was the best decision I made. After the gym I felt so much better and again a day closer to my goals. . . .But prior to the entire gym and nap debacle I had a highlight to my day.

My brother Richard sent me a text early in the day. In short he said he was proud of me and my accomplishments. Since Christmas 2011 I had been thinking about sending him a message . . . I think about him quite frequently and how much of an amazing and positive impact he has made in my life. I look forward to hearing from him. .but he can be very intimidating, he has it so together and he always has the right things to say. I find that he is very much like me. . .well I am very much like him because he was born first. . .It has been about three years since I found him and met him and early on I knew my life would never be the same. I did not know how to approach things because he is an only child and I did not want to bombard him with feelings and such that he may not understand or be able to relate to right away . . . but I felt like it was time and I didn’t know how to say it . . . how do you tell your brother that you just found that you love him and you are glad he is in your life? I mean I know it seems silly but I have the hardest time putting my words together because I do sincerely love my other siblings and now I love and care about this person who is no longer a stranger, he is my brother and it is an amazing feeling to have. So I did what I do best, I sent him a note.

Hey Richard,

It’s your little sister Johanna, I know we have not spent a life time getting to know each other but I feel like we have made leaps and bounds and have a relationship that I never knew was possible. When I was growing up I was the smallest of four kids; we all had different goals and were different. I loved Barbies and studying and since everyone was so much older than me I spent a lot of time alone. I spent a lot of time thinking and in my head. My other siblings had a hard time relating to me because I have a different view on the world and I suppose it is because in my time alone I spent so much time reflecting that I always had the opportunity to see things in a different light. I was unrelatable and I was silly and crazy and funny. Yeah they were pretty cool too but the moments where we clicked were very few and far in between especially because of the age differences and of course different life styles. The moment I found out another Arroyo existed I was excited because after many years looking at my surroundings and wondering who I was like I thought I may have found an out. I used to wonder what you were like and what life would have been if you had been around when I was growing up. I thought maybe you could have pulled us all together but most of all I hoped that if I found you that you would care to know me in return. Some people would warn me to not be so excited because I had such high hopes for the person you’d be. They would say, “What if he does not want to know you?” and I worried a little but something told me that would not be the case. The second I found your picture on Facebook I knew it was you but I was having a small panic attack because after years of effort and searching the very moment I had hoped for was here and I could not turn back. The ball was in your court and I did not know how you would take the news of our existence . . .but you came around and here we are. I have always been goal oriented and driven but there is nothing like getting a call from you to see how my goals or boot camp is going. You remember things and follow up and make sure I don’t become a slacker. In the short time I have been your little sister my world has been flipped right side back up and it is the way it should have always been. You have made me a better person and given me the opportunity to reflect on myself and improve things that I thought were perfectly fine. Your advice has helped me with even my other siblings and getting along with them.

There is nothing like your nicknames that put a smile on my face. I am in awe of how amazing you are and how great of a father, son, husband, uncle and brother you are. You don’t tell me what I want to hear; you tell me what I need to hear with respect of my feelings and decisions. You are new to the job but you are such a great brother and I wanted to tell you that and let you know that my life is more complete with you. You are nothing like I imagined before I found you. You are amazing and exceeded all of my expectations. I think it is great when people say we look alike or say your brother is a lot like you. . .I feel like the time I spent lost as a child is no longer. We share personality traits and laughs and I will never take that for granted. I love you very much and I have been afraid to tell you because I was new in your life but how could I not love the brother that supports me, makes me laugh, encourages me and most of all makes me feel like a little sister. I have so much respect for you and you are very intimidating because you are an impressive person to match up to but I am glad to even be a step behind you following and growing into a better person every day because I now know you.

again. . .I love you Richard. . .my brother ❤

MY BROTHER RICHARDS ONGOING LIST OF NICKNAMES FOR ME 🙂