We all have had those dreams, the kind that feel so real and perfect but just as they are about to get really good, the alarm goes off or the dog kicks you awake. It’s the morning after or the middle of the night and you clench your eyes hoping that you’d fall back into that dream but are never lucky enough for lightning to strike twice.
However when I woke up this time, not only did lightning strike twice. . .the dream became a beautiful reality. There are so many things I wish to say but no words can do justice to how I am feeling. I have scent memory and palpable history of his touch. I lie In bed with the pillow covered in his scent and the memory of us. He is familiar, he feels natural and above all else, he feels mine. Lying in bed with him feels like routine. As if life had already granted us a history we didn’t know about. For once, everything feels as it should be.
Before day zero, I was filled with all kinds of emotions. Excitement, anticipation, happiness, love, worry, joy and nerves to say the least. I had no idea what was going to happen. If we’d feel the same, if the pages of this book were no longer as captivating as they had once been. It wasn’t doubt I was just so worried about the possibility I may lose everything I gained in just a short three months, everything that meant so much, more than anything to me. Not by my doing but in some chance that I was no longer what he needed and wanted. That the chemistry would be off or something would happened that I couldn’t prepare or account for. I guess it’s natural for us to try to brace for impact and the worse case scenario. However, he is the best case. All this time I’ve been certain that he is the response to my unanswered question and I wasn’t wrong.
Leading up to now, I imagined what everything would be like, and as I expected everything was unlike what I could have ever imagined. It was better and amazing and nearly indescribable. . .but I’ll try.
He is my happiness. Seeing him smile makes my insides light up like the sun is beaming from deep within me. His embrace calms me in a way I had never felt before. My once racing mind has found a slower pace and sits in awe looking at him. I don’t have a million thoughts and worries because when I’m with him, I have everything I ever wanted within reach. Every moment with him is worthwhile. Even when he isn’t with me, he is. I close my eyes and I have the perfect memory of his kisses, of his soul colliding with mine. I’m in love with him, every part of me wants every part of him. He is my forever, my happiness, the reason why I’m hopeful. My life will never be the same again, I will never be the same again. Love has a new meaning to me, this is real love, true once in a lifetime type of love and all I want to do is run into it and fight for it at all cost.
Je t’aimerai pour toujours mes yeux brillants