As I was walking to the terminal today, I felt this overwhelming feeling consume my body. I know what is waiting for me at the end of these flights, I know who and I know why. It’s a different feeling this time around.
Back in April I was consumed by the constant what ifs my mind kept throwing at me. I was 100% sure about how I felt about him but I was self sabotaging and kept trying to convince myself perhaps his 100% certainty would diminish once he saw me. It was an incredible feeling to love him but the idea that he might love me less, made April’s trip somewhat different than today. Even after our day things didn’t seem all too real. I processed a lot and wondered if he had experienced everything the way I had. I wondered if his feeling had changed and worried that things would somehow be different once I was back home.
April is behind us and nothing is left but beautiful memories of our days together and of our firsts. Since April we have taken some time to talk and unpack our feelings, to ask questions and to confirm that yes, it was that incredible for both of us. I guess that is what makes this time different. Things have changed, for the best. We know who is walking through the door, we love each other in every capacity and we are very much on the same page. For me, there isn’t this overwhelming feeling of worry anymore about us. We are solid and strong together, I love that.
I know I will be made of questions when I see him again and have a million and one thoughts going through my mind but nothing like the first time jitters that my bright eyes might not want to be my bright eyes after we met. This time I get to enjoy his company without worrying about my own insecurities and lie confidently next to the person that has completely changed my life for the better. It’s an overwhelming feeling, to be loved and to love this way.
I can’t wait for the morning to come, to finally have my world within reach.
I will love you forever my bright eyes.