30 to life. . .

 

When I was a child, thirty was the age when it all ended. I didn’t know better when I assumed that everyone was old and everyone was done. . .done living I suppose. I didn’t have a real role model and I lived in my imagination. There was no go big or go home motto, let’s face it, I never left home.

There are so many things I have learned in life and many I have yet to learn. The years flew right by and all my childhood fantasies of what I would become at this age have come and gone. Now. I will say, most of those dreams changed all together.

I have been in love and I have broken hearts. I have been hurt and I have hurt others. I have made wishes and cashed them in and I have taken leaps of faith and fallen straight on my face. What I have learned that no matter how often we all point the finger we both have two sides of a penny, the good and bad. . .the funny and dry. No matter how different those two sides are it makes us versatile, it makes us unique but it also binds us.

I don’t know what another thirty years of life will give me. I had no idea what this life would bring but so far I am happy and thankful of the journey I have partaken in. It’s been a little messy but I have never been worried about getting my feet wet.

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Hazel

I remember it clear
The moment in life
When fear & anticipation aligned
It’s when I found out
You’d be mine

Minor details failed to matter
Criticism, backstabbing
Crowd fodder and chatter

Feelings consumed
My every choice
Tear stained pillows
Instead of rejoice

An inclined challenge
Though I wasn’t prepared
I suddenly found courage
Because of those who didn’t care

Their judgmental glances
Above holy scriptures
Took place of guidance
With negative lectures

A minor, a child
They sold me quite short
I let them be, I didn’t retort

Years went on and here I am
No longer sixteen and pregnant
A grown woman raising a man

Now he is a boy
Not yet full grown
I would risk it again
To become the woman I know

Forever in debt I will be to my son
He is my biggest cheerleader
I’m his number one

Little does he know
I’m a fan too
Of this little boy
Who is more than the color blue

He taught me how selfless and helpless we are
When the world has a bigger plan
To create who we are

I love you my Jonathan
For I see in your eyes
A speck of hazel
And dreams that will never demise

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