One Day

She sat upon a dream sometime

Afraid to bring it back to life

Awaiting for one day She kept

The dusty little dream at rest

So abandoned she lie

On the cutting room floor

Surpassed nine lives

Yet dead again once more

If not by her lips

To reintroduce her to life

Imagined in thought

She clung for her life

For one day she’d dance

And frolic once more

Once the fear left her thought

The dream life could soar

This dream that was dungeoned

And knew nothing of light

No longer dead from inaction

Now clambering to fight

A raspy old tone

Came from the hollow within

Let today be the one day

Dream doesn’t let fear win
By: Jo Arroyo (11/9/2015)

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I Woke Up Pregnant Today. . .

I don’t know where to start. . .

There is this overwhelming fear of failure and what if. What if I make the wrong choices? Can I recover if I take a step in the wrong direction? 
Precious cargo is such a blessing and a burden to bare. I can nourish this gift or I can feed it poison and stunt its growth but I can’t because today I woke up full. My womb and heart are full of so much hope. This new life brings me the opportunity to create something unimaginable. I have been blessed with life and I can choose where I take it. 
There are so many details that I know nothing about but I can learn, because this is all I ever wanted.
See, I wish that everyone can wake up pregnant. Pregnant with emotion and enthusiasm for life. I am nourishing my soul and my dreams because much like a brand new baby, these dreams of mine can be steered in the right direction. These dreams will learn how to crawl and before they take flight or even walk, they will stumble. Yet, there is no failure in holding a child’s hand while she is learning how to live and see life. I can embrace my dreams and take them by the hand and run, because after all I have done my fair share of stumbling but it is time. Time to see this through because after all it is my dream, it is my so called baby. 

Calling

There is no stutter

in the words that I write

There is little fear

not even a fight

 

I feel I say I scream

From mountain tops

indented phrases

elapsed in thought

 

No holding back

Once silent murmurs

The light of day they see

Words formerly unheard of

 

No coward stance

behind closed palms

Nails are strengthened

no more clenched jaws

 

The fear of failure

Is not even a thought

as soon as pen touches paper

fearlessness in foot

 

what makes you stutter?

what holds you back?

rejecting rejection

before it begins

 

Paper can crumble

it can be torn down

Yet it is a release

Of all my thoughts

 

To scribe is my calling

No matter the doubt

Every word I’ve written

Has somewhere to be found

 

By: Me (Johanna Arroyo 2/18/2015)

I’ll Know When I Get There

I’ve overcome some obstacles, some big, some little; they varied in facets and depths.

During the storm I ask why has it rained on my parade. . .how did I get stuck in quicksand. . .why, why, WHY didn’t things go according to plan?

I have learned so many things from these unsolicited obstacles that I now know they happened for a reason.

I offer this as my best explanation of life, knowing all too well that I have lived but a fraction of my own lessons, so please don’t be offended.

Consider yourself the parent of your dreams and life. No matter your spiritual beliefs, we all know that everything happens for a reason, but we aren’t so forgiving or welcoming of those things when they happen.

When people have children, they choose a name, decor and all of the little details of the baby boy or baby girl to be. We celebrate the arrival before the arrival and we wish and hope for the best. Some pregnancies (adoptions, surrogates) go as planned. No need for medicinal intervention, no pain and yet others hit you with a curve ball. It seems as though a catastrophe has occurred in a seamless plan.

There we are again…why why why?

Why you ask?

Because it is part of the journey!

Little Jon arrives in place of Jane. Some little angels are born with additional chromosomes and parts, some are incomplete and need more care. As our children, we nurse them and love them and fight like hell for acceptance for them. We go down a long and winding road for the betterment of them.

At the end of all the struggle, and the unplanned blessings we never look at our children and think about everything we went through to have them. . .we see them for who they are and who they’ve become.

Such is everything in life…we can’t shoot for the stars and get distracted by clouds. Just remember that if we just travel a little further, the journey will no longer trump the final destination.

Instead of saying why, tell yourself, “I’ll know when I get there!”

Do what you love. . .

So it has been about seven months since I returned to work. The work that pays the bills temporarily while I finish my masterpiece of a first book (yeah I think it is brilliant, judge me, I can’t hear ya!). I feel as though “work,” is cramping my style. I told myself I would never be one of those people working for the weekend, but here I am thanking god for every Friday and catching a case of the Mondays by Sunday morning.

Work sucks for those of us who have to do it. For me this is certainly temporary but I still cannot help but to wait for the moment in which I am no longer doing a job just to do a job. Writing is freeing, this moment I am taking to talk about it, is freeing. Writing is everything that “work,” isn’t.

I am not much of a complainer but I have nothing to gain in the 9-5 job I have now, well 7-3:30. Sure, I have a decent schedule but by time they are done with me for the day, I am completely done with myself for the day. I kick myself in the ass everyday for not being done sooner with my goal and not realizing my writing dream sooner but just as I am about to give in to my little pity party I remind myself, it is all happening for a reason.

There are some experiences that I have lived that I otherwise would not have experienced had I started my life at the “right,” time. So with that in mind, I am glad to be where I am mentally. Though my physical surroundings do not suit me entirely, I know I will not be crunching numbers for another person much longer. This job has an expiration date and I am sorry, I am not sorry. . . .not really. I am not sorry at all!