Belize Dat!

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It has been a while since I shared a little piece of me with the world. I had such an amazing time in Belize and met a wonderful group of people. The fact that we got to know each other under such bare and raw circumstances made us all vulnerable to show the people we typically are. It was a great feeling to be among my peers and to see professors outside of their usual elements. These experiences took me away from home but I couldn’t help but to feel at ease with my surroundings.

One day we were in the Cahoon Trail, after getting over mosquito bites and taking in the environment, I found myself at one with my location. Belize was not home but it was an island much like that of my grandfathers and in that I found comfort. After our field observations in the Cahool trail we had a discussion back at Hill bank and had to share our observation. Here is what I wrote and thus shared with my classmates:

“There is a unique kind of silence in the Cahoon Trail that gives center stage to the insects and birds to create a symphony of noises. Back at home we tend to live on wants, in sitting here in this unfamiliar place, where the natural way of living is giving back, I can see the beauty in it all. This place is home to a symposium of creatures. Tree’s enveloped by thorns, vines and moss, while leaves of all shapes and sizes sprout from the ground and fan the sky. Musky water and a kaleidoscope of greens decorate this environment of natural unaltered beauty.”

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. . . .I am so grateful that every day I am faced with new experiences that allow me to take in the world I know and make it just a little better day after day. I continue to learn from my mistakes and experiences and Belize was another one of those moments. My experiences in Belize were a fraction of the life of a true Belizean but I can admit that I came home a little less me and a bit more island girl.

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In the forefront, yes I came home and appreciated my flushing toilet and flat iron but Belize was something I wish I could share with everyone back home. At no moment while in Belize did I tell anyone they just had to see my flushing toilet, or experience all of my vanities from Tampa. I found that when I returned back to Tampa I was wishing I could do more than just tell my story of my experiences in Belize. I took picture after picture but nothing captured the feeling of being inundated in the beauty and day to day of Belize. When we went to the Belize Zoo I saw a sign that said, “We live in a Beautiful world.” I agree that the world is beautiful and I am sad to say that I had to strip myself from my self-taught behavior to truly realize the beauty of the world. Sky scrapers and flashy lights certainly catch the eye but nothing beats swimming harmoniously among the reefs and seeing beauty eye to eye.

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I never thought in my life that I could see the world from the top of a Mayan Temple. I look at myself and often wonder, how I, just the little girl with the big smile from Tampa has been able to meet so many people and do so many extraordinary things. I am truly blessed and continue to find the beauty in life!

*posted out of order, originally posted in 2012

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I’ll Know When I Get There

I’ve overcome some obstacles, some big, some little; they varied in facets and depths.

During the storm I ask why has it rained on my parade. . .how did I get stuck in quicksand. . .why, why, WHY didn’t things go according to plan?

I have learned so many things from these unsolicited obstacles that I now know they happened for a reason.

I offer this as my best explanation of life, knowing all too well that I have lived but a fraction of my own lessons, so please don’t be offended.

Consider yourself the parent of your dreams and life. No matter your spiritual beliefs, we all know that everything happens for a reason, but we aren’t so forgiving or welcoming of those things when they happen.

When people have children, they choose a name, decor and all of the little details of the baby boy or baby girl to be. We celebrate the arrival before the arrival and we wish and hope for the best. Some pregnancies (adoptions, surrogates) go as planned. No need for medicinal intervention, no pain and yet others hit you with a curve ball. It seems as though a catastrophe has occurred in a seamless plan.

There we are again…why why why?

Why you ask?

Because it is part of the journey!

Little Jon arrives in place of Jane. Some little angels are born with additional chromosomes and parts, some are incomplete and need more care. As our children, we nurse them and love them and fight like hell for acceptance for them. We go down a long and winding road for the betterment of them.

At the end of all the struggle, and the unplanned blessings we never look at our children and think about everything we went through to have them. . .we see them for who they are and who they’ve become.

Such is everything in life…we can’t shoot for the stars and get distracted by clouds. Just remember that if we just travel a little further, the journey will no longer trump the final destination.

Instead of saying why, tell yourself, “I’ll know when I get there!”

Her

There is nothing I can tell you
To keep you from worries
I want to see you now
But you’re in such a hurry

Time keeps us from one another
I know you cry when you’re alone
But still you believe like no other
Force back the tears and pretend to be whole

You’re almost here kiddo
But not just yet
There is a reason we haven’t met

I warm your heart
When you feel like the last soul
I remind you, you can
No matter what you’ve been told

I try to remind you,
Don’t ignore the warm faces
Stop running before you adjoin your laces

I know that you feel
Like I’m all that you have
But don’t overlook all the others that can

Life has dealt you
Some challenges, I know
But you never headed or rejected them
You knocked them out cold

You’re a south paw kind of girl
They almost missed you before you swung
You kept showing them
You were far from done

You’re in the last leg
I know you’re exhausted
You think you deserve a break
But honey, you’re not done yet!

It’s taken some time
But no worries
We’ll finally meet

No one else knows you better
I am your goals, your life, and your dreams

I can’t wait for you to see me now
At times I wonder and ask myself how
Lost and alone in a world full of promise
I held your heart in my hands
Your beat was the strongest

I pumped through your veins
You helped me become
You lived for us both
You did all that you could

It’s great to see you now
The woman you always knew you’d become

My Neo

I was driving home the other night with my son. We were just strolling along with the music in the background, it was one of those rare moments that we were completely silent. When out of the blue Jon says, “I got it!, she is not the one” (he’s speaking of a particular person who is dating someone important in his life).

So I say why not and he replies, “if she were the one they wouldn’t fight that much. . .the one is special and meant to be. . .she would be pretty and wouldn’t get mad about everything.”

Interesting. . .

“Okay Jon, what would “the one” for mommy be like?”
“he’d be respectful and nice, he’d never yell at you, oh and he wouldn’t interrupt you. . .women don’t like when men interrupt them, even I know that!”

Hahaha. . .I love my son so much. In moments when things get a little rough and I feel a little down I am glad he is the age that he is. He can reverse days of sadness with a single smile. He is my cure all. He is so kind and makes me proud to just hear him speak. He gives me hope for the future in just knowing that I have taken part in the growth of an amazing human being.

Blood & Water

At this point in my life I have heard the phrase, “blood is thicker than water” one too many times. While I agree that scientifically this holds true I do not agree that it is the correct means of identifying family. I have a great deal of friends, coworkers and extended family that have been the better part of my adult life. Some would suggest that I put them second to my actual family or my birth given family. In an ideal world the family we are born to are the people that are supposed to support us and help us through difficult times and life’s tough decisions. As unfortunate as it is sometimes that blood bound family is not enough and fails in comparison to others that have come into our lives. It leaves me wondering how I could have gone on in my life without these friends and aunts and cousins on a daily basis. So it made me think about this common phenom of blood and water. How they are both as important to the other to sustain life. We pump blood by the gallon and we are made up of so much water. One cannot survive with out either for an extended period of time. I believe in science above most things because science is trial and error and on most occasions science can be proven or duplicated. I love water, it is what keeps me going on a daily basis and if blood is the only tie that binds perhaps I shall get a transfusion.