Dream Catcher

Your kiss was a comet
That soared to my heart
That whispered forever
Before it could start

So selfish my endeavor
In keeping you all 
Clipped wings and captive
Just to make you my heart 

But I swallowed it whole
A tough pill at that
I stepped miles backwards
And rejected your advance

I couldn’t keep up
With the happiest pain
I’ve ever felt in this lifetime
Still not yet in vain

You left with freedom
And I hardly intact
Putting you before me
Was my bravest act

My heart is half empty
It’s missing your smile
Your emerald glances
and your childlike regard 

You left me disarmed
And hollowed inside
I refused you in ounces
I ran with my pride

I daydream about you
I mare in the night
I question my strength
For giving up the fight 

I’ll run out of time
Before all hope is gone
Only hoping forever 
Won’t be too long

My freckle in time 
My beautiful tune
Keep singing the songs 
Of our memories in you

-Jo Arroyo 8/25/2016

Advertisements

Endangered

Cashed out, broken and back to zero

The girl behind the makeup
The one with tremendous heart
Once hunted as if endangered
Now treated like over-stock

The perfect pelt for his front
Used and replaced at his discretion
No longer interested in her seduction
Tossed out of his collection

The perfect pray of love deprivation
She did anything for him
Didn’t realize her captivation
Was satiating his disease

The soul mate she sought
Is a species endangered
She wanted limited edition
He sought to fulfill his needs

Blind to his arrogant nature
Never fulfilled expectations
Of his insatiable greed
For fine dimes replaced every week

Poached and dismembered
She became for this man
Unaware of her disposition
She gave her love for free

By: Me (Johanna Arroyo) 4/14/14

20140414-045439.jpg

It’s what I do best

I write so often that I forget to speak. I feel through pen and paper as my heart beats out of my un-healed chest. 

People tell you it’ll get better but who’s to really tell how long it takes to pull yourself together after a heart break. 

You meet new people and you find renewed hope in their smile. They charm you into believing they are there to fix the gaping hole that replaced a once whole heart.

See I met someone recently who was kind, he was pretty amazing but he’s the guy who grows on you. He is the guy that time gives to your heart. It’s not instantaneous, it’s not at first site. It’s sweet and eventually you know can be love. But it’s ordinary and I just don’t feel like fighting for ordinary.

Immediately after his absence I wandered back into those moments when I said forever and I meant it. The only problem is that I didn’t tell him forever. My forever looked much different. He was a tall distant and unattainable forever. . .and even though he is no longer within reach, I find myself drifting off to the moment where we stood in the dark skin to skin, feeling down to our bare bones. I remember the spark of electricity that rocked me to my core, so much so that I almost cried. As my past held me and just as his lips left mine he whispered in the dark, “it’s okay.” In those moments I allowed my soul to escape me as it embraced every part of him. I knew, this is it. That was the moment that people kill for, that is something most will never feel and I did once, and I’m afraid to admit I may never again. 

I was driving last night. It is one of my favorite things to do because I can think and clear my mind. Unfortunately there is no distance in this world that will allow me to outrun the love I have for this man. It is inescapable, it is powerful and more than anything I ever felt, it is painful. When you meet someone you have no idea what they will mean to you, or how they will impact your life. I in many ways wish I had never met him. It is only because of my present that I wish for such things. It hurts and I don’t know how to fix myself. I wish I could put back all of the little pieces that so willingly threw themselves open for him. My heart is lacking and its pulsating and pumping to the rhythm of an open wound.

I feel like I am living two lives. The one where everything is just peachy and I work and work and work towards my goals but then there is this other me, the me I am when I am sulking in the solace of a broken heart. There are moments when I sit with my back against the wall and I think of his scent and I kid myself into believing I can draw a perfect memory of him. I touch my lips and I frown because the only reciprocity I have is that of my cold fingertips against my anguished smile. I hold my hands against my chest and I realize there is nothing there but pieces of anatomy. My heart is working but it is very much missing the one who once made it jump out of my chest.

24/7

It is indefinitely indefinite
How long it takes
Moments to fall
But years to fix the break
Thirty one million-
Five hundred thirty six thousand seconds
It is about time, don’t you think?
For my soul to have mended

It has been too long
Enough to heal a break but I am not sure why
I think it will take longer to make
The desperate palpitations of his mention
To cease and resist without the thought of his reflection after a kiss
It may take another eight thousand seven hundred sixty hours
To take back what took but moments to devour

It has been five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
Since the last time I embraced our love, moments before it diminished
Three hundred sixty five days
Fifty two weeks

And still I can’t imagine a lifetime without you making me weak in the knees

By: Me (Johanna Arroyo 8/13/2013)