Lonely Mom

So I’ve been single all my life. Never married, not once made a Mrs. but I was in a relationship for so long I felt married. For the past five years I’ve been single (in every sense of the word) and dating occasionally.

I am very careful about who I date because I am a two pack deal. I have a 12 year old son who deserves the respect of the person I choose to date equally as much as he deserves the respect of my son. I’m not looking for anyone to do any raising but I take my career as a mother seriously and because of that my son has yet to meet any potential suitors. There was that one time things came close but the proximity of monogamy scared the day lights out of that one.

Every now and again my son brings up dating. His father has been dating for some time now and has three other children. I guess my son thinks it’s my turn now because more often than not he asks when I am going to go on a date.

I don’t know if it is fear or if I just don’t know how to give dating a serious chance but something keeps me from going all single twenty something date crazy (I’m hanging on to these last few months in my twenties).

I was typing away one evening on my laptop; a night much like tonight, and my son Jonathan asks, “mom, aren’t you lonely?” At the moment I wasn’t because I was in my magical writing world but in all truth and reality, yes sometimes I am lonely but I didn’t have the heart to be completely honest and I said, “no, I have you.” “Well mom, that’s not enough. You need somebody, when I’m with my dad you’re alone, I don’t want you to be alone. I think you should go on more dates.”

My sweet boy hasn’t learned the true value of quality over quantity but I guess he is right. Momma should go on more dates.

A couple of weeks later I picked my son up from school and headed home to get ready for a date. I don’t usually tell my son when I’m going on a date. I usually find a sitter or find time when he’s with his dad. This time I decided to tell my son, almost as if I needed to show him, “look kiddo mom isn’t going to die alone, I can book a date!” He was shocked because he hadn’t even heard of the mentioning of any guys. I guess he was expecting me to act like the other middle school girls who went to school with him. My days of gushing over the guy-tails are at a minimum. After the initial shock, I sent him to get ready as I got dressed.

I sat applying my makeup and curling the last loose strands of hairs that hugged my face. I was almost ready. I could see a curious hazel eyed boy in my peripherals. He suddenly wasn’t trying to make a love connection. He looked like he wanted to be happy for me but he couldn’t help but be jealous. I called him over and asked what was up. He then started to ask a million questions. What’s he like? Does he like sports? What is his name? Where did you meet?

I didn’t spare him any details, “he’s really cute, oh my god he is so funny, he used to play soccer, oh and he loves watching wrestling.” Jonathan held his hands in his pockets and nodded and said, “he sounds nice,” then walked away. I found his disinterest both charming and funny.

I was finally ready to go, so I called my son, grabbed my bag and met him downstairs. When my son met me down stairs he smiled and said, “wow mommy, you look like a princess!” I smiled and kissed him on his forehead, like I always do, and we walked out the door.

In the car ride Jonathan and I laughed and talked about his day in school. His giggles have a way of melting my heart. We both lost track of time driving but we arrived at our first stop. I pulled in to the first parking spot I could find.

Jon suddenly looked up and realize we weren’t at my brother or sisters house. We were in front of Jonathan’s favorite restaurant. Soon after Jon asked, “mom what about your date?” I replied, “like I said, he’s really cute, oh my god he is so funny, he used to play soccer, oh and he loves watching wrestling. He is you!”

The look on his face was priceless.

I know he doesn’t want me to be lonely but there is no better feeling in the world than to sit across from your child as they look at you in complete awe. That night I was a princess in my sons eyes. He also felt like the most important person in the world. Sometimes while I’m busy working and trying to take care of him in other ways I fail to remind him. I know that night will be among many moments he and I will never forget.

Someday, To some lucky guy I may be the most beautiful woman in the world but for the time being, I love being just Jonathan’s mom.

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Mommy did you fart?

I can’t even begin to count the amount of times my son has said something that has left me wishing to be swallowed by the earth. Sometimes I wonder where he gets these things?

Well he has a whole gene pool to choose from but lately I’ve come to realize that he gets a lot of his antics from me. When I say that I’ve come to realize, what I really mean is that people point it out so often I can no longer ignore it.

See it all started when I was walking around at Belles Outlet one afternoon. Jon was three years old, and at this point he was not allowed to go shopping with mommy anymore after he threw a fit a Babies R Us because I didn’t have a quarter for the tiny carousel. This lovely afternoon Jon’s dad wasn’t available so I had to take the kiddo shopping. Jon wasn’t telling full blown stories at three but he’d say a phrase here and there. So I was walking down the isle minding my own business looking for some stretchy clothes to accommodate my still struggling post baby lady lumps when my lovely little cherub asks at the top of his lungs, “mommy did you fart?”

What? You’ve got to be freaking kidding me! No I didn’t fart but if I did I don’t want an all call announcement to be made about mommies flatulence! Fart or no fart, all of the outlet store looked at me as if I had farted because clearly children don’t lie and as perfect as we are, mommies do fart! Believe me I know I fart but that moment wasn’t one of those times, or was it?! Had I become one of those mommies too busy to realize she farted? I mean some of us miss or forget a period but a whole fart…nah, those things don’t just go without being noticed. After questioning my capability of gauging the pressure and air in my body I came to the conclusion it MAYBE wasn’t me, so I did what any logical parent would do, I accused the kid of farting, he giggled and I capitalized on his new found giggle guilt and kept shopping.

Then there is the time at Sweet Tomatoes when I asked my son to get me a refill and just as he steps away, I say, “not diet Pepsi.” He then waits to be what seems like 20 yards away to yell back, “regular Pepsi, I know mom! You’re not on a diet anymore!”

Or the time he was sitting across the table talking about how much he looked like his dad but he was fat like mom. It was an innocent as a matter of fact statement, he of course meant no harm.

My son is so full of energy I believe the synapses fail to provide him with filters and he just blurts random things and then realizes they perhaps lacked sensitivity or tact.

I, unfortunately have had my fair share of similar moments.

A couple of weeks ago we got a brand new puppy named Sunday. She is a chihuahua mix and from what I have read thus far, they can be pretty territorial of their owners. I am Sundays’s primary pet care giver so naturally she took a liking to me. On occasion if Jon or someone else tries to pick her up off of my lap, she will growl or bark. Nothing major just a warning shot I suppose. She is also a little dramatic and as of recently yelps if someone grabs her. Over the last few weeks Jon and I have been getting used to the little fur ball.

I occasionally leave the room for Jon to bond with her because otherwise she is all over me and in my face. Second week in I heard Sunday squeal maybe three times in an hour. She was super tiny and I walked to my living room concerned that something had happened. My son said, “I was just holding her.” I immediately frowned and said, “oh god Jon please don’t tell me you’re one of those weird kids that likes to hurt animals!”

Wow! I seriously went from 0 to a thousand. Luckily Jon chuckled and made some reference to Dexter (showtime, Michael C. Hall).

I on the other hand was mortified. Clearly not getting mom of the month for that, who says or asks their 12 year old that??! Me, that’s who. . .because sometimes moms say the dumbest things too!

Ps: no Sundays were hurt in the writing of this blog, or at home. Jon, Sunday and I are getting along famously!