Goals and dreams are but a small portion of the people we are all going to amount to. When I was a little girl I all I ever thought about was becoming a surgeon. It has been my drive and my happy place and now as the days go by I realize that my dream of becoming a doctor is but a facet of the complete life I long for. I am the sum of my experiences, love and life. I have been missing out on so much for a long time.

Careers, plans, goals or whatever you call it are all just a blueprint of what is to come; the obvious layout or outline of your life. So many people walk around oblivious and have no clue what they want. I am admittedly jealous of them. I know the simple attainable tasks at hand. I can ace any test, I can outrun the old me but I cannot make decisions for other people just to make me happy.

I feel like for once I am at a place where my blueprint is ready and I know what I want to make of myself. I can see the paint on the walls now clearer than ever. Here it is an unexpected circumstance in my life. Shining through the windows of my heart that were once walls. Before I realized it I no longer wanted to have a simple home with white walls. I want memories and happiness and a decorated life. But, the way I see it is that I can tell someone a million times what my vision for the future is but they’d never be able to see it my way unless it was their vision as well. Partners in design of the perfect life I suppose.

If love is in fact chemistry or some form of chemical reaction, will my positive cancel out the negatives and even out the odds? It makes me wonder if we measure wrong, could we be off by a lot; I really doubt it; this feeling of certainty reminds me that it could not be any more perfect. The work of true genius I suppose. Many people could not figure out some of the most brilliant souls in the universe yet they still have an admiration and respect for them. Love is but another form of misunderstood genius. We sit at the mercy of the feeling and thrill that new love gives us. Love is inexplicably addictive and sufficient in an otherwise emotionally malnourished life. Love is that in which causes us to question the world as we knew it. Will the life we have be enough without it? Sometimes just life will have to suffice, but we can only wish that it is a temporary vacation.

Family and friends all give love and bring love out of me obviously. They are enough they complete me on a day to day basis but hardly relate and understand the simple power that a warm embrace is capable of. Home grown love that has been built on years of experience and life is expected, but looking into the eyes of someone that is not bound by lineage, friendship or ties and imagining a complete life with them in a split second is the work of something else.