I have never understood how people could compartmentalize, to put everything in its place with no bleeding over. I am not someone that typically blurs lines, I am however someone who understands that there can be gray areas, to see things from everyone’s perspective and because of that mostly assume positive intent. However, I am coming to realize that I have created my own idealized version of things, to fill in the blanks of unspoken pauses, overly stated big words and drawn out statements. I opted to read between the lines instead of again, taking anything at face value. I’ve fallen prisoner to my own mind. . .again.

I devised this mind palace as a child, a place to go when everything around me was chaotic, but I never outgrew it. Rather than retreating to it whenever I need safe keeping, it has been the place I continue to spend my every waking hour, suspended between my brain/hearts summations and actual reality. . .in my head. Trapped in this cave where I see everyone as mere shadows of themselves when they are actually perfectly clear. One of my favorite quotes has always been, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. They know themselves much better than you do.” It is one that I often refer to when I opt to create boundaries, a reminder to take people at face value. . .but this isn’t always a character barometer on the negative. This should have been my compass for everyone. A reminder to not create narratives for more than what was stated, for allowing myself creative liberties because they eyes say more that words ever will. . .When people show you who they are, believe them.

I feel myself clambering at a, “but.” I have every word ever uttered in the rolodex of my mind trying to make sense of what point in the transcript, I began to see things differently, where I went wrong. . .but. . .