They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, I really don’t think that is our case. In the few times we have been in the same place at the same time, I have longed for his touch from the other room. When he left and I knew he’d be back the next day it felt like an impossible wait. He is special to me, he means everything to me. In our little world distance is this concept that makes our lives harder. Yes, it encourages the effort on our parts and keeps us on our toes, but I would be happier if it didn’t exist. In the few months we have been each other lives, he has become an integral part of my every day. I miss him insanely and look forward to the flutters I feel in my heart every morning I receive the likes to my messages. For us, distance is not the requirement for us to be who we are and to mean what we do in each other’s hearts. Over the course of 7 months we have had peaks and valleys. I don’t like to harbor on doubts because to this very day I do not doubt him. The things I worry about are often inconsequential and just things I find to worry about when I am left to my own devices. It is the unknown that will be a constant struggle for me. I don’t know if it is because of the lack of title, I don’t know. It’s not like I need something official to know but sometimes I guess I wish I could share him with the world because of what he means to me. He makes me happy and I don’t like that everyone doesn’t know about him. The most important people in my life know and I suppose I should be thankful for that.
I have been accustomed to taking care of things on my own. Not something I drill down on often, but it is just the way it is. I go about my business in such a way that the inclusion of anyone in my decision-making process felt foreign. In these past few months since my bright eyes has been in my life, I have had to adjust the way I think of things. I usually pro and con things on my own, I plan and tackle problems. I guess I don’t have to think about things or muscle through on my own anymore. Even when it comes to talking things out, I know that I can bring them up to him. I have been alone for a long time, often lonely in a room full of people. But when it comes to him, I don’t feel that way anymore. A few weeks ago, I was going through a rough patch and his response to that was something I will never forget. I was struggling with Jon’s surgery payment and as a result I was stretching myself thin. I finally talked myself into being be honest, because I felt terrible for withholding information and I knew I was being different. When I finally explained what was going on without hesitation he said, “what do we need to come up with,” WE! I know that may be insignificant to others but that meant everything to me. To feel like I belonged to something, to us, we. . .to know that although I thought it was my cross to bear, that he would be front and center ready to help. It wasn’t monetary it was in the fact that there was no need for questions and answers. I grew up in a place of, “well, that’s on you, I don’t know.” So, for me this was an incredible gesture, one I am forever thankful for. One that made me love him more, if that is even possible.
This all came about as I was sitting in my car waiting for the rain to die down so that I could run inside. I pulled up his pictures and looked at his face and couldn’t help but smile. We had just been talking about something silly but in that moment the course of the past few months rushed upon me. The distance hit me square in the chest. I closed my eyes I remembered the times we have had together laughing, the memories we have coming up in our future and the feeling of completeness I feel every time we are together.
Je t’aimerai pour toujours mes yeux brillants